Friday, April 19, 2013

Ever after...

Part of the ever after is just coming to a space where I can live with the following:  I miss them all the time.  I love them just as much as if they were still physically here.  And I still have a relationship to them that involves things like remembering them, talking to old photos I have of them, doing things in my present day life that honor what they taught me, how they loved all of us, and the lives they lived.

They are Mimi and Unkie.  They were always loving grandparents to me even though they were really great-auntie and great-uncle.  They took me on road trips and airplane trips.  Unkie put up with me jumping out of the boat to splash around and swim even though he and my cousin Joey were trying to fish.  Mimi put up with my imaginary friend (named Friendy btw) who did things like carve names into wood tables and draw on walls with crayons.  Unkie made the best bean soup in big pots in his kitchen downstairs, just off the game room, behind his cooooool hand-crafted bar where you'd always find ice cold Pepsi.  Mimi made gnocchi in marinara upstairs in her kitchen where the window over the sink looked out over the tire swing in the backyard.  They welcomed every friend I ever brought home, and they decided they loved Hawk even before they met him, just because I loved him.

Mimi lived 12 years + after Unkie died.  They were married 53 years.  I never heard them argue once.  I heard them laugh a lot.  She died on Easter morning this year.  I miss them so much.

While I don't really know what I believe about "after-death" or "after life" or rebirth or reincarnation or anything like that, I do hope they have gotten to meet up again in some form.  I know Mimi never stopped saying good morning and good night to his photo each day.  I know she used to tell his photo all the news of the day.  I hope they are getting to communicate in a more direct way again now.  I hope they are somewhere in a lovely deva, mushing-molecules realm of some alternate universe where they can spend an eon laughing together again.

Have I mentioned I miss them?

Le sigh.  Learning to live my life after death.  Again.  It's true that sometimes grief gets boring.  I just want to love them and be in the splash of ocean or stream water, laughing with them.  I want to keep moving in this chaotic world in ways they would be proud of...I hope the love I still feel for them can reach them wherever they are.

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