Jumping Off The Cliff or Examination...

Last week's Inspire Me Thursday had a quote from Aurora Mae about becoming conscious of your fears and personal limits -- being honest with yourself about what kind of self-imposed boundaries you've set. The idea being that if you can name limitations, then you can begin to jump off the cliff past them. Scary. And invigorating.

For me, this is very a kin to The Work I've endeavored to do lately. Some little, creepy thought rolls into my consciousness and if I leave it unquestioned, it has the potential to drive me under the bed with chocolate and dvds for about a week! So instead, my aim has been to recognize the thought and then examine it: 1) Is it true? 2) Is it absolutely true? 3) How do I feel when I have that thought? and 4) Who am I when I drop the thought? and then lastly, a turnaround.

Some of the big creepy thought issues that come up over and over again recently revolve around money. Big surprise, right? Well, I decided that the very least I could do was to examine examine examine. And amazingly, the process of examination has left me more willing to jump off the cliff than I ever thought possible! I brought this topic up with a few friends along they way, and they were intrigued. So I decided to share some of the process here. As always, take what makes sense to you and ignore the rest! :)

First little, creepy thought
Recently we sent out a survey about some of the Mother Henna art asking people to look at some of the pieces and then respond to some questions. Of all the responses, 99% of them felt spot on for me, like good information. For example, I discovered that people are most interested in connecting with me personally to get the art, and very turned off by third party vendors online. This is valuable information to me as we begin to plan how we will put the art out into the world.

But there were also a couple responses to the survey where people commented that they loved the art, but could never afford it -- or that a workshop sounded great, but they could never justify the expense of attending. So where do you think my creepy, little thoughts went? Yep. Latched on hook, line, and sinker (sink under the bed with chocolate and dvds) to things like, "OMG, we charge too much, my art is worthless, who am I to charge for stuff, and no one will ever come to a workshop unless I give it for free!"

It's almost silly when I type it out, isn't it? But it's the way the creepy, little thoughts work on me. So when I stopped in my tracks and said, "Okay, hold on!", then the first thing I remembered was Byron Katie's saying that goes something like: There are only three kinds of business. Your business. The other person's business. And God/dess' business. Oh, yeah! So whose business am I in when I let money fears undermine me? Well, some of it is my business because the issues come up. But some of it is not my business because we all have free will and some people will buy art and some won't and that's totally fine! So I decided it was time to do The Work on the creepy, little thoughts.

4 Questions and a Turnaround
For the sake of focus, I decided to boil my creepy, little thought into this:

No one will ever want my art or come to my workshops unless I give it away for free.

First question
Is that true, Kara?

Answer
Well, no, obviously an "all or nothing" statement like that isn't true. Okay, no, it isn't true.

Second question
Is it absolutely true?

Answer
This is sort of redundant now because I already recognize it isn't true. But I like to keep this question because to me the "absolutely" true holds meaning. It's like asking if it is God/dess' truth, absolute, you know? And of course I can't know His/Her truth because my life is unfolding on its own path as it should. And so, no, that thought is not absolutely true because I can't know the "absolute" truth.

Third question
How do I feel when I have this thought? Who am I with this thought? What does my body do? What do I vision for my business with this thought?

Answer
UGH!!! I feel worthless and mired. My stomach hurts. I feel cheap and like my art and work is pointless. I vision myself standing in the middle of Grand Central Station with thousands of people zooming past me. I'm the only thing in the whole place that is standing still. And all the people are just going going going -- and simultaneously, it's as if I don't exist AND every person who goes past takes a chunk of me. I also feel like I can't breathe or am going to drown because I have to keep giving giving giving for free, and I am watching as I'm being erased chunk by chunk. It's actually very scary. And I end up thinking, 'Well why make art and put anything into the world if it is just going to destroy me?" So my whole mission and career feels undermined.

Forth question
Who am I when I drop this thought? How do I feel? What do I vision without this thought?

Answer
Wow. Well, hopeful for one thing. When I drop this thought, the possibility of someone someday wanting to show appreciation by buying my art or paying to come to a workshop opens up. And with that comes the possibility that in this exchange of appreciation, I can, not only live, but thrive. As I put a piece out into the world, a piece is given back. It becomes a flow.

I re-vision Grand Central Station now. I see a musician performing there with his horn case open out in front of him. I vision the sound waves of his music washing out over the crowds. Pieces (of music and of himself) are being shared throughout the crowd. People stop and listen or at least pause long enough to throw change into his case. One person comes by with a Subway Sandwich and carefully places it inside his horn case. Pieces of life are being given back to him. It is a flow. A demonstration of rampant appreciation.

Wow. That is very different than the me who was "hook, line, and sinker" aye?!!

The Turnaround
The last part of this examination is to "turn-around" the original statement of thought and see how the possible opposites might be more true than the original. There are several ways to do the turnaround, so I'll do a few of them here just to share what my process was like with it.

First Turnaround
The first one is just a complete, direct opposite. So:

No one will want my art or come to a workshop unless I charge for it.

Well, yes, this is more true than the original statement because when people find something they like and want to buy it, they usually look to see how much it costs. So it would be helpful, if I am indeed going to put my shingle out as an artist, to know what I want to charge for each piece. Same with workshops. I recently put out fliers for our Sunday Sacred Play days, and I had put on the promo info that the registration fee was "by donation." Well many people commented that they didn't know what that meant. So I went back and added, "Suggested donation $10 - but also could be just bringing snacks or art supplies to share - don't let money stuff stop you from joining us!" By defining what I meant by "donation," people then became free to decided if it fit them or not.

Second Turnaround

I never want to give away art or offer a workshop unless I charge for it.

Wow, well, yes. Of course there are still things like donating a piece of art to a charity auction or something. I will always appreciate being able to contribute in that way. *AND* even that isn't "free". I mean the charity usually gives advertising space in printed materials and online with link to my website and such. That is valuable to me. So there is an exchange of appreciation in that giving.

But at the core of the truth, yes, it's true that I decided to be a professional creative being. I chose to make my living this way. I put my time and supplies and creativity into each piece and workshop. And when I put a piece of creativity out into the world for sale, I am hoping to make an exchange so that I can make my living this way, provide safe sound housing for my family, continuing make more art, etc.

Third Turnaround
So maybe the bigger truth for me, the more direct statement is more like:

I want there to be an expression of rampant appreciation between me and my clients.

Wow, that feels like jumping off a HUGE cliff! And yet it is the most honest truth I can find out of that original creepy, little thought. My intention with everything I create is to show a rampant appreciation of life, creativity, the journey to self-discovery, peace, beauty. I try very hard to make sure there is a personal connection at the moment of exchange. And yes, I want to make my living this way, so it is my hope that clients would want to show a rampant appreciation in exchange. And that might come in dollars or trade or barter or gifting or words or who knows what! Yes, I do realize that I have no control -- it's not my business -- what my clients do. But I definitely hold the intention of putting appreciation out there for them and hope for the same in return in whatever way is authentic for the other person.

Wow. Would you look at that? By actually taking the leap off the cliff, doing a real examination of my thoughts, I landed back on my path. It was an experiential move from fear and scarcity to appreciation and abundance. Pretty cool.

And with all that in mind I think I'll end this entry with:

Kara's Rampant Appreciation
A million zillion trillion thanks to: Byron Katie, Molly Gordon, Lynndee LeBeau, my continually surprising and loving Hubby Hawk, my mom (you rule, Memoo!), Sherene Zolno (thank you for introducing me to me!), Alter My World Ang, Violette, Diane & Chris & everyone over at YourArtMarketing forums, Christine, Bear, Corey, and Abby, Sonja Williamson, Dr. Michael Fuhrman, Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, Dr. John DeFrain, Moon Douglas, and Mekosun, every single bereaved parent who has every been in touch with me -- your courage continues to show me the way -- and every single person who has left a comment on the blog, or sent email of appreciation, or bought a book or print or henna design or come to workshop -- you keep me going on my creativity path!

And to Dakota. While I will always wonder what our lives would have been like had you lived, I will always be more grateful than I can possibly say for just you being you. Thank you for dancing on the edges of the fountain with me. Thank you for dangling your feet in the red clay pool with me. Thank you for the creamy tomato soup and the slide that goes from the roof to the creek in the back. Thank you for introducing me to Huntress and Papaji. Thank you for showing me that life is so short that it would be silly to do anything other than what we love. Thank you for leaving your name written in the snow at Mt. Rainier that day. I know now that nothing can ever sever me from love, because even with death between us, I still feel you and love you more than ever. Thank you for introducing me to my heart.

Miracles!
k-